Be Present: Being present helps you experience the joy of the moment. It is being aware and fully engaged in your current activity and interactions with others.
It can be difficult in today’s world to not be distracted and to be present. Sometimes we can be worried about something at home or at work. Cell phones can be a big distraction because they ding when we get a text, email or social media update. That can distract us and pull our focus away from being present.
Think about what distractions you have in your life that keep you from being present.
To be more present:
- Determine a purpose for your current activity and interactions.
What results are you looking for? For example, if you are going out on a one-on-one with your child, on a date with your spouse, or to get together with someone you haven’t seen for a while. if your goal is to strengthen the relationship, having that end result in mind helps you to respond better, even if everything isn’t going according to plan, or if there is a disagreement. When you are aware that the goal is to strengthen that relationship, you have a better perspective and respond better knowing that outcome.
- Remove distractions if possible.
We mentioned cell phones earlier as being a common distraction. I know a lot of people who don’t allow phones at the dinner table. Sometimes at work meetings you are asked to turn off phones, or leave them out of the meeting so they aren’t a distraction. We’ve had “family fun” nights where once a week we would have a family activity. We would rotate between family members, and each person would have a chance to choose the activity. There were three rules: the activity needed to be inexpensive, you couldn’t complain about another person's choice of activities, and no cell phones were allowed so we could stay focused on our goal of strengthening family relationships.
Think about the distractions in your life and how you can eliminate them, where possible.
- Use and focus all of your senses.
This is especially applicable when enjoying a meal, out in nature, or with other people. When you use more of your senses and focus them, you experience more enjoyment of that situation.
- Listen intently. Show empathy.
Several years ago, I was going through an especially trying time. A friend of mine came over, and I explained the situation. She didn’t try to offer me advice or placate me, she just cried with me. That was exactly what I needed. I just needed someone to understand what I was going through. This is a challenge, even for me. Sometimes we just want to jump in and solve someone’s problem, or offer words of wisdom, when what they really need is to have someone listen to them, show empathy, and just be present with them.
- Watch body language. Notice how you and others are being affected by the interaction.
Pay attention when you are interacting with someone. Notice if their eyes start glazing over, or if they start fidgeting and looking away. Maybe you have talked too long, or perhaps you aren’t talking on their level of understanding. You might need to:
- Ask clarifying questions.
Maybe you need to find out where they are at, what more information you need to give them to help them understand, or maybe you just need to give them a chance to talk.
- Express heartfelt, relevant emotions.
If you are genuinely sad, angry, or happy, allow yourself to feel it. It is normal in varying situations to have different emotions. It is healthy to experience those emotions, as long as you don’t dwell in a negative emotion too long, and you handle it healthily. Allow yourself to feel those emotions.
- Only spend energy on what you have determined is important.
This is where your Areas of Balance worksheet is useful. It helps you identify what you value most so you can recognize activities and opportunities that are in tune with your values, so you can act on those opportunities. It also helps you recognize activities that aren’t in alignment, so it is easier to say no to things that don’t support what is most important to you.
- Accept your current circumstance and focus on the joy of the moment, rather than on the pain of the past or anxiety over the unknown future.
Life is unfair. We have all experienced injustice and have had hard things in our life. But if we fixate on negative experiences in our past, whether it’s our childhood, or a past relationship; if you dwell on wishing things had been different or on the injustices of the past, it can keep you from thriving in the present. It’s better to look at the growth you gained, or the strength you developed as a result of going through that difficult time. Look at the lessons you’ve learned and at the things you do differently as a result, then let go of that past experience so you can focus on the present.
Anxiety over the future can also get in the way of being present. It’s good to set goals and have things you are looking forward to. But when you have a lot of anxiety over the future, that can keep you from being present. Worry is something I have struggled with. I’m a mom, and worrying is in my nature. If a child or if my spouse was off doing something potentially dangerous, I struggle with worrying about them. My dad gave me some advice once. He said, “there’s no sense worrying about something that may never happen. Why cause yourself unnecessary pain. If there is nothing you can do about it, don’t worry about it. That’s great advice.
- Choose to be happy now.
We often think we will be happy when… when we lose that 10 lbs., when we get that job, when we get married, when some event we are looking forward to happens, then we will be happy. Instead, choose to be happy now. We actually attract more success into our lives by being happy now.
In the weekly layout of The Success Choice Planner, there is a customize section. One great use of that is to write three or four things that are going well in your life, each day. You may even want to set a reminder on your phone to do this each day. This helps you to be present and to focus on what’s happening right now, and to be more positively focused. By noticing the good in your life, you attract more good into your life.
CHALLENGE:
This month, I challenge you to be more present, to be more engaged in your interactions with others. Fill out your Areas of Balance worksheet so you are noticing the things that are in alignment with your values, and to fill out your customize section in your planner by writing down 3 or 4 things that are going well each day. This helps you to be more aware and attract more good into your life.
